


Kairos

by zainabmnsr



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, angst with happy ending, barista felix, insomnic changbin, its an overused trope but im still a sucker for it, lots of angst lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 06:23:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16424102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zainabmnsr/pseuds/zainabmnsr
Summary: In which Changbin can't fall asleep at night and Felix is the cute barista that he falls in love with





	Kairos

 4:18

Changbin turned on his back, staring at his ceiling yet again. The four walls of his bedroom were closing in around him until he couldn’t handle it anymore. He grabbed his coat and stumbled out of his apartment into the night, blinking against the harsh fluorescent streetlights. He continued walking, knowing that sleep wasn’t coming to him anytime soon and drew his coat closer to his body, feeling the cold seep into his bones despite it.  

WebMD said he was depressed but Changbin didn’t think so. He just couldn’t sleep and ended up being the epitome of those 2 am poems. He tried to write, tried to work but after a while, he started to appreciate the night. The stillness of the world after 1AM, The way everything was so much more peaceful. Sure there weren’t many people around at this late hour, but Changbin learnt how to relish in the company of the moon and not feel as lonely as he used to. However, on nights like these, when even the moon seemed to have disappeared and the cold of winter numbed him to his bones, he ached for human company and for someone to hold him.

Changbin walked into the first 24 hour café he saw, one of the new ones that opened a month or so ago.  A catchy pop song was playing, the words of which he could barely remember as he stumbled into the first chair he could find. He closed his eyes, trying to breathe, waiting for some semblance of sleep to come to him but he was brought to reality when someone cleared their throat. His eyes flew open, only to stare at a pair of brown eyes. The blond barista stood expectantly, until Changbin realised he was waiting for him to order

“Ah,” Changbin said, his voice strange because of disuse. “Can I have a hot chocolate please?” coffee was probably not the best idea right now but he felt like he needed to order something at least. The barista nodded and turned around, wordlessly moving to his spot behind the counter

‘4am isn’t really the time for words’ Changbin thought and then mentally hit himself for the cliché, cringed at what jisung would have said if he saw him like this. It’s something that Changbin would have said when he was 15, when he was convinced that he knew what was good for him. And then Changbin let out a bitter laugh cause nothing much has changed since he was 15 except that he’s ever most lost.  

“Here you go.” the barista said, his voice deep and thick and when he placed the drink in front of Changbin wordlessly before he left to go back to his place behind the counter.  

“What’s your name?” Changbin asked before he could go too far.

“Felix”, the other man replied shortly, giving changbin a strange look.  

“Felix” Changbin repeated, the words rolling on his tongue with ease. “You’re not from around here, are you?”

“Not really” Felix replied and hesitated. “What’s your name?” he asked, curiosity lacing his words.

“Changbin” he replied, and after a second, Felix nodded and went back to his spot behind the corner

The two men didn’t talk for the rest of the night, but when Changbin left, paying at the till, Felix shot him a smile and Changbin couldn’t help but smile back

‘Felix’ Changbin thought on his way back to his apartment, the first rays of sunshine appearing in the sky, ‘he’s cute.’

\------------

1:52 

Another night found Changbin walking through the deserted streets of Seoul once again, hands buried inside his pockets as protection against the bitter cold. Yet again, he found himself outside the same café he came to the day before. After a second of hesitation, he stepped in, basking in the warm of the place. He spotted the barista before the counter, the blonde one with the deep voice. Felix.  

"Hot chocolate again, please." he said, before being asked. Felix shot him a curt nod before turning around to make one and Changbin took a seat next to the window, staring out at the empty streets. There was something beautiful about the world like this, something achingly melancholy about how everything seemed to have paused.

Felix placed his drink in front of him and turned to go. “Stay” Changbin said before he could stop himself, “it’s not like you get any other customers around this time anyway.”

Felix seemed to consider it for a second and finally sat down in the chair opposite to Changbin. “Why are you still awake then?” Felix asked 

“Haven’t been sleeping well lately.” Changbin said. Felix huffed out a laugh and muttered something that sounded like ‘that’s relatable’ under his breath.

Changbin drummed his finger against the table to the beat of the song playing on the radio. “It’s funny” Changbin mused, looking outside at the empty night. “The whole city is sleeping. Why aren’t we?”  The words echoed in the café for a second before fading out.

Felix didn’t say anything, as though he didn’t trust himself to say something that didn’t break the fragility of the moment. 

And then, he whispered back. “What are you afraid of?” looking up at Changbin with wide, serious eyes that hinted at some wisdom beyond his years.

“Where should I begin,” Changbin replied, and took a sip of this hot chocolate, the drink only slightly warm. “Being alone. Not finding my muse.  Being eaten alive by zombies” Felix huffed out a laugh, causing Changbin to smile. “What about you?”

“I’m afraid of being afraid” Felix replied simply. “I’m tired of being too afraid to do what I want to do”

“Oh yeah?” Changbin cocked his head, “what do you want to do right now?”

“Get out of this place” Felix replied, not hesitating on his answer. “I want to go to one of the playgrounds nearby”

Changbin stood up, taking a last sip of his drink. “Let’s go.” he said, the younger boy staring after him hesitantly.” Let’s go” Changbin repeated and held out his hand for Felix.

A second of silence went by. Neither of them moved. And then, Felix’s extended his arm and grasped Changbin’s hand, his grip tight but his eyes sparkling 

4:12 (same morning)

The two of them were lying side by side on the grass, a swing and slide set casting strange shadows on the ground as the sun slowly began to rise.  Changbin was still holding Felix’s hand, his thumb occasionally tracing patterns on the other boys palm. It was cold outside, their noses red but neither of them really cared.

“No way” Changbin exclaimed, “you like DC over marvel?”

“Yeah, and so does everyone else with half a brain” Felix snorted. This boy – the one with the easy smiles and the glittering eyes that was talking about how DC comics were _obviously_ superior, his hands moving animatedly as he spoke – was different from the serious boy at the café. Changbin realised that even though  was a die-hard marvel  fan,  he wouldn’t mind watching every dark knight movie if it meant that he could see Felix smiling like that again.

\---------------

2:10

“You didn’t come in yesterday” Felix pouted when Changbin walked into the café.

“I was up writing.” Changbin replied, sitting down on of the window seats again.

“Wow hyung ! You write? That’s so cool”

Changbin shrugged, trying to look indifferent even though he felt like his heart might explode.” I rap” Changbin confessed, warming his hands by rubbing them together. What he didn’t say was that he hadn’t written any proper lyrics for about 4 months, but when he sat down in front of his little black book the other night, words seemed to flow out. Maybe this blonde, deep voiced man was his muse, Changbin thought. He remembered the way they had stayed outside till 5 that night, until  Changbin had insisted that Felix go back to the café and get some sleep. He remembered the way, just before parting ways, Felix pulled Changbin into a tight hug,  and Changbin wanted to freeze that moment and continue holding him. but then it was over and Felix  pulled away, leaving Changbin with a stomach full of butterflies and a blush that he had tried his best to hide. He visited the café every night since then, enjoying Felix’s company when sleep felt like a faraway concept.

Felix walked over to the table, two cups balanced on his tray. “One of them’s for me” he explained when he saw Changbins questioning look at the second cup. “I’m craving some coffee right now.”

“You probably shouldn’t be drinking coffee at 2 in the morning”

Felix shrugged “it doesn’t really affect me anymore” he explained. “I’m immune to the this stuff”

“I was thinking” Changbin said carefully, after a moment of peaceful silence, “It’d be cool if I had your number. So that we can, you know, keep in touch.” He kept his eyes focused on his cup of hot chocolate, suddenly shy.

But when he looked up, the other boy was smiling so brightly that Changbin wished he had never looked away.” I was Just going to ask you for yours!” he exclaimed, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone. He unlocked it and handed it to Changbin, who took it hesitantly. He typed in his number and gave the phone back to Felix

“Thanks hyung!” he exclaimed, “I'll text you so you have my number.” After sending a quick text, he put his phone facedown and faced Changbin, his eyes sparkling. “So.. You rap?”

Changbin groaned and hid his face in his hands, embarrassed. Felix let out a laugh, his head thrown back. “I mean,” Changbin said, still not looking up, his voice muffled, “I have a couple of mixtapes that I produced with some friends so yeah, I guess.”

“Whaa you have to let me listen to them sometime.” Felix said, “I’m sure they’re great”

Changbin looked up, face still partially hidden by his hands. “Maybe later” he muttered.

“God” Felix said with a fond smile. “You look so cute right now.”

Changbin wanted to bury his face in his hands again but instead he sat up, feigning indifference (although he could feel the tips of his ears growing red and his palms started to get sweaty. Not so much because of what Felix said but the _way_ he said it; his voice and soft and gushy)

“What about you” Changbin asked, clearing his throat. “What do you do in your spare time?”  

“I dance” Felix replied, his passion evident by the way his eyes lit up at the question. “I’m planning on opening up a dance studio after saving up enough money.”

“I can totally see you as a great dancer” Changbin responded, smiling at the way Felix perked up at his words. “You should show me sometime.”

“How about this” Felix considered, taking a sip of his drink. “I’ll show you my dancing, if you let me listen to one of your mixtapes.” 

Changbin hesitated. It wasn’t that he didn’t think his mixtapes wasn’t good, he just felt like it was something personal. And besides, his rap was too dark for the boy that was sitting in front of him,  the boy who radiated light and smiles and was probably too good for Changbin.

“Hyuuuung” Felix whined, pouting slightly and Changbin had to resist the urge to reach across the table and kiss him. “Please? Just one of them?”

And how was Changbin supposed to say no to that ?

\---------------

4:35

“Do you ever think we were meant for something bigger?” felix was asking, his voice barely a whisper but Changbin caught the hitch in his voice at the end of the sentence.  It was one of those nights – the ones which were cold and bitter and unforgiving. The ones in which the sadness wraps itself around your bones, inescapable and unbearable.

“I feel lost” Changbin said as way of a reply and Felix hummed, Changbin tried not to think of how long he had ignored thinking about that, had pushed away the though every time It reappeared and now, it was out there, floating through the night sky. He had a dream, a vague realisation of what he wanted to do with his life but it seemed so out of grasp that Changbin couldn’t help but stop himself from thinking about it. The last thing he needed now was to have these kinds of wistful dreams. Chan and jisung were always so loud – always so expressive and maybe that’s why they were always better at sorting out their feelings than he was. They spoke about it loudly, boastfully, about how 3racha was going to _be something_ and Changbin realised if it didn’t, he’d have to be the one that kept them from breaking completely.

“When I was a kid, People kept telling me that I had so much potential” Felix lets out a bitter laugh. “Look at me now- a barista at a coffee shop. I feel like I’m burnt out and I’m only twenty three.” 

“You’re only twenty three” Changbin replied, “You have the rest of your life too figure this out”

Felix huffed, as though that wasn’t what he wanted to hear but that was all Changbin had to offer. They lay on the cold ground, staring up at the stars and trying to ignore all the thoughts that were banging around inside their heads. Loud – always loud and always so persistent.

They were starlight boys, more accustomed to night than to day, brought up around acid words and other people that always seemed to shine twice as bright. Paper boys who did as they saw and then got confused when they realised that they were on the same path as everyone else, whispering about how they didn’t want to be ordinary when really, it’s all they’ve ever known.

“I’m afraid of being forgotten.” Felix confessed and Changbin tried to come up with something to say but his thoughts were muddled and messy and he could barely string together a coherent sentence without screaming about how he wanted to get out of this town.So he stayed quiet, biting his lip to make sure the words don’t make their way out.

“What are you thinking about” Felix asked and Changbin didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or cry because this boy – this beautiful bright boy- sounded so tired, his eyes were so sad and Changbin couldn’t help but think that he had destroyed another beautiful thing. 

“If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?” Changbin asks instead, ignoring the question Felix asked him, trying to focus on his breathing because if he didn’t, he was going to pass out.

“Home.” Felix says and then smiles that sad smile of his that makes Changbins heart break every time he sees it.

\----------------

1:23 am

The two of them were outside again, walking through the quiet streets, sharing a cup of hot chocolate amongst them. Felix was quieter than usual, his easy smile took longer than usual to coax out him. It make Changbin want to roll the boy up in a blanket and cuddle with him until he felt okay again. But he couldn’t do that, so Changbin did his best to cheer the other boy up with lame puns and silly jokes in a desperate attempt to keep he conversation going. He felt like Felix was slipping the more they talked, and Changbin didn’t know what to do

After one particularly bad joke that felix laughed a little too loudly at, a little too forcefully at, Changbin sighed and turned to look at him.

“Why did you stop walking?” Felix asked, turning to face Changbin 

“What’s wrong?” Changbin asked softly, completely ignoring Felix’s question. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine.” Felix replied, but everything wasn’t fine and Felix was slipping and oh god Changbin wanted to bring him back. He didn’t think he deserved Felix, this boy with the whole galaxy in his eyes and a smile that made Changbin want to smile as well. He didn’t think he deserved him but oh god he wanted him so much, wanted to be able to take him out and buy him things that he wanted and make him feel loved and protected. But now, he was standing in front of Felix, the best thing that ever happened to him, and watching it slip away and Changbin had never felt this helpless before in his entire life

“You know you can talk to me right?” he asked, reaching over to grab felixs hand. Around them, the streetlights glowed, casting shadows on the road. In the distance, you could hear the chirping of crickets

Felix looked away. “I know,” he said quietly, “I’m sorry.”

Changbin felt a lump in his throat, “you have nothing to be sorry about” he whispered, as though it was a secret.

Felix looked up, desperation in his eyes.” I don’t think we should meet each other anymore” he said quietly and Changbin thought his heart stopped in that second, the hushed words bouncing through the dark streets and burying themselves in the night.

“What – what’s wrong?” he asked, running his fingers through his hair. He took a step closer but the other boy refused to meet his gaze. “Is it something-“, he licked his lips, throat suddenly dry, “is it me?”

Felix whipped his head up, “No!” he exclaimed. “No it's not-" he trailed off “I’m sorry I just can’t do this”

“Why not?”

“Because if I spend another night with you” Felix sighed “I’m going to fall in love with you.”

Oh

OH

“I don’t see why that’s such a bad thing.” Changbin said casually,heart beating in his chest “causing I’ve been majorly crushing on you ever since we met”

“You – what?”

“I like you, silly” Changbin laughed, “I think you’re super cute and a lot of fun to be around. I like you. A lot.”

Felix closed his eyes “this can’t be happening” Felix muttered quietly, but Changbin heard him

Changbin swallowed, a million fears running through him mind. “What do you mean?”

Felix opened his eyes and Changbin was surprised to see them wet with tears. “You’re not helping” he cried out. “Listen, this - us – this can’t happen”

"Why not?" Changbin asked softly, “what do you mean?” 

“The closer I get to someone, the more it’ll hurt when they leave." Felix whispered, a tear slipping down his cheek. He looked away to hide his tears but Changbin was right in front of him, wiping his tears away gently and holding him close

“Oh Felix.” he whispered wrapping his arms around him, “I won’t leave you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Felix looked up at him and he looked so sad and lonely that Changbin felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. “That’s what they all say” Felix replied, his voice small.

Changbin pulled back for a second, “Do you trust me?” he asked

“More than anything” Felix replied immediately, “It scares the shit out of me.”

“Then believe me when I say that I’m not going anywhere. I don’t ever want to go anywhere unless you’re there with me”

Felix let out a chocked sob and buried his head in the crook of Changbin’s shoulder

“This is terrifying” Felix said, his words muffled.

 “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to” Changbin said softly rubbing Felix’s back, “Let’s just take this one step at a time. One day at a time.”

He felt Felix nod hesitantly and then the younger boy pulled away. “Hey Changbin?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you wanna.. maybe.. grab dinner someday?” Felix asked tentatively

Changbin felt a smile tug on the corners of his lips. “I’d love to.”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N - Gosh this took ages to write cause I kept coming back and changing stuff but I really hope you guys like it. Don't forget to tell me what yall thought !!  
> Find me on Tumblr @stanstraykidz


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